Luke 17:33, "If you cling to life, you will loose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it."
I have eased into motherhood like a woman getting into a cold swimming pool. With all the grace of that grimacing squealing beauty dipping her toe in and removing it several times before convincing herself if she can just get her toe used to the water then may be she can start on the foot.
Actually at this point I feel like I'm in the deep end and I don't know how to swim. Instead of swimming around and having fun, I'm clinging to the side looking longingly at the sun bathers on their towels laughing and sipping cocktails.
Jerks.
All of them.
Okay okay, that's not exactly the whole picture either, and I don't think anyone is a jerk.........at least not because they don't have kids.
But there are certainly days when my feelings lean that direction. And that's when my thoughts wander back to Luke 12.
On the days when I feel like I am loosing at everything. I've not answered messages, phone calls or emails. On the days when people are ringing me regarding those messages, calls and emails because now I am hold them up. On the days when the washing is beyond piling up and I realize that my husband has been wearing the same work clothes for far to many days. (poo-ey!!) On the days when I only eat one meal......dinner......AND only at 9pm. On the days where I mixed up my dates and times and left someone important sitting in a cafe for an hour and a half before leaving (late) for their next appointment. On the days when you are so tired English thinks second speak the window somewhere out...........
On the days when I look around, throw my hands up and say, 'today I lost'. I lost the war on being a good friend, worker, wife, daughter, but the days I chose to loose at all these things, are the days I win at being a mum.
Of course there are days where I have had to choose to loose the mum battle and win a different battle, but mostly its the first one :)
I am learning that to win in one area is just to loose in another area and that every minute I need to look at all my battles and decide which one I am going to win in that moment.
So I stand here reminding myself not look backwards longingly, but to walk forward, enjoy the swim and remember that to while winning is actually loosing, loosing is always winning too.
I'm going to go now and discover what I lost while I was writing this blog ...... I think whatever it was just went down the toilet bowl......Oh Help!!
Bye for now!
